One of my favorite movie scenes is from Coach Carter. It is after the basketball team's lockout has been lifted. Coach Carter enters the gym to see the team sitting in desks in the middle of the court. Timo Cruz stands up starts "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us......" This snippet came from Marianne Williamson's poem: Our Deepest Fear.
The words in this poem have stuck with me since. "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us." This couldn't be further for the truth for me. I remember someone asking on a poll on IG, "What is your biggest fear?". My response was "Success."
I know that I can be successful. I am successful. I graduated high school in the top 10% of my class, I went to Penn State on a full academic scholarship, I got my Masters degree and am a licensed professional. I am been working in my field for over 10 years. I started a non-profit. I did all those things, but I know I can do so much more. I think about the opportunities I missed out on because they weren't safe.
Pushing past my comfort zone is something I always struggled with. The unknown scares me. Not because I don't think hard work, dedication, the right people and a little luck, will allow me to accomplish anything I put my mind to. But because stepping into another level of success is intimidating.
And then there are the self-defeating thoughts that I am not worthy. I don't really know where or how that belief developed. I am sure with some serious introspection I can probably figure it out. The reality is, I worked hard for all the successes that I have experienced in my 32 years of life. I mean some things came easier than others but I don't think that negates me being worthy and deserving of all of those things. I am been trying to incorporate affirmations related to worthiness and success into my daily routine. Here are some of my go-tos:
-My success is inevitable
-I deserve the good things that happen to me
-I am exactly as I was meant to be
-I am a magnet for success in everything I do
-I accept my power and manifest the abundance I seek
With that being said, I am not playing small this year. I am Playing Big All 2021. I vow to step out of my comfort zone, to not let my fears or insecurities hold me back, to live in the light that is within me. This goes for both my personal and professional life.
Here are just a few of the things that I have done so far this year:
-Co-hosted a wellness challenge with my soror Ingrid
-Applied for and accepted into a pitch competition for a grant to address MH in Philadelphia's millennial population (be on the look out for "Shear Balance")
-I co-hosted an episode (Playing Small- January 31, 2021) of the podcast "Black in Therapy" with my newish friends, Ashley Sarah and Donna. (It's available wherever you stream your podcasts).
I am starting this year off strong. I can't wait to see what happens when I get out my own way. Make sure you come along for the ride.